Dealing With A Relapse

First of all: Relapses can be upsetting, but it is important to remember that a relapse does not mean that you have gone back to the beginning. It simply means that you have experienced a symptom of your existing BPD, maybe one that you had not experienced for a while. 

For people with a history of depression or bipolar disorder, the risk of relapse looms like a cloud over their lives, threatening to separate them from their work, relationships, even their children. Stress, sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, and stopping treatment are among the most common relapse triggers.

The National Mental Health Information Center at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services lists numerous triggers. Here are five:

• Interpersonal friction
• Feeling overwhelmed or having too much to do
• Being judged or criticized
• Ending a relationship
• Physical illness

For me..... I am feeling interpersonal friction with my Mother.. she has been irritating me like mad lately. I should understand that she is actually the person that has saved me during my illness so I should be thankful, she is a wonderful mother and give her some slack.
I am feeling overwhelmed and like I have failed again... hence probably why I have been drinking a bit more lately. I am feeling overwhelmed about having to lose weight, my singing career and the fact that I believe I am not a very good singer at the moment and my voice is kinda crap (which on recordings it's not LOL)

Ok. Right. Let's be rational.

You have more friends now than you have than ever, you have been going out more than ever, you have been seriously ill and have been doing brilliantly considering the NHS has left you with nothing including having no current psychiatrist, you ARE on a course for psychology so that is a step in the direction to your goal of becoming a psychiatrist. My goals have changed. I don't need fame to be happy. I don't need to be a size 0 to be happy and I don't need to beat myself up for being me. Being me is alright and being happy is what I focus on. Being a psychiatrist is what you need to focus on. Is there anything to really be angry or sad about? No.
There is stress about your ex's, yes but that is the past and you need to keep the door closed.
Cool. Note taken. Thanks to me for reminding myself. 


Right... so my strategy for feeling better...... is...

Ask yourself what you actually have, what you want to do, what you're doing for it... and what small steps you can take towards what you want to do.. don't hate yourself for not doing it yet. There is always tomorrow and the future to do what you want / love to do. You can do it. Have faith in yourself and make sure you smile. 
Try not to mask your sadness by drinking (I am guilty) or by drugs (not guilty) or other ways and live in the moment. 

That's all for now. :-)


EMJ

From The Borderline's Perspective.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/problems/personalitydisorders/personalitydisordersfacts.aspx 

Personality Disorder key facts. It is my mission to be behind a cure for personality disorders. Borderline or Emotionally Unstable is the most common whereas the other types if not treated can lead to criminal

behaviours and death. 

There is too much stigma around these disorders too. People with these disorders are misunderstood and are not "evil" like some archaic media people portray them as. The bad things happen as a result of not being treated and as a result of abuse or neglect usually in childhood. Not always. I have not studied these disorders I only speak from personal experience from suffering from Borderline aka emotionally unstable personality disorder. All my actions and previous actions make sense to me now. I am a different person now because of it. People with BPD tend to self harm in various ways be it with abusive men or over eating or starvation, self mutilation, drinking too much or other ways in order to cope with the void of emptiness inside us. Provocative behaviour such as flirtation can be done also not in a bid for attention but in order to feel acceptance or self worth. When someone leaves there might be tendencies to do anything to try to stop them from leaving. Or there might be times when you punish yourself for someone suddenly changing towards you. I remember when I used to starve and purge if a guy didn't want me back when I was in my early 20s. Hair pulling as a child can be a warning sign to developing some type of disorder too due to the severity of stress or anxiety the child is going through. 

Not being heard or taken seriously is a key factor too. This can spiral down into the sufferer feeling more isolated and alone and can spark off rage and intense emotions. Sometimes a simple "I'm listening to you and I'm taking on board everything you're saying" can be a huge help. 

I have been through everything of the above. I now notice my behaviour patterns and do not do these things anymore. Learning to self love and self soothe is the key. I hope this has brought some insight. 

Imagine me in 15 years when I am a psychiatrist... I'm good at being insightful now imagine what I will be then! 

There is hope. 

Best,

Emma.